Communicate As If It Was 1899.

Story online since:  19.08.2007 / 22:17:44

Listening examples: here and here [will open in new browser/tab]

Coincidentally Bozkovich, the mastermind of Brachialilluminator and executor of the Mighty himself and Sgt. Lignano were working for the National Austrian Post this summer. Whilst he was working in a small post office somewhere in Vienna, I was dutyful working in a small post office in Kötschach-Mauten [don't bother looking that up, it is between the middle of nowhere and the end of the world].
Whilst work itself was boring [as hell, for the satanist readers among you] for both of us, we were in communication-heaven and able to (mis)use the available ressources without knowledge of any superiours [besides the Mightiest, of course]. Before we started what might be known in 'The Great Book Of Music History' as the first "telegram-interview", we sent a sheer enourmous amount of telegrams between our two offices. The one I remememberd most was his telegram, citing the entire lyrics of Frank Zappa's 'Valley girl' in an envelope that played some dadaistic electroclash when opened. In case you wondered: telegrams are still in use, and yes, they are awfully expensive for puny non-postoffice-workers. Fortunatly we did not have to morse the questions and answers back and forth, these days there is machinery that does the real work.
So after excessivly testing we used telegrams to make this interview. Occassionally we sent each other images via the teleprinter (funniest day with the teleprinter was, when we sent each other all the national flags of all the UN-countries). What you are about to read is a collection of the best telegram-dialogues that were sent between June 15th 2007 and Juli 26th 2007.

To enhance readability I left out all the technical yada yada that accompanies this technology from the centuries that brought you trains, Nietzsche, electricity, world war I and II, Snickers, Ghadaffi and Dr. Who.

Lignano: Please give me three adjectives and two nouns to 'Melt Banana'.
Bozkovich: great. great. greater. Favorite. Band.

Lignano: Did you ever play a fruit at the orchestra?
Bozkovich: No. But if I was allowed to, I would like to play mashed potatoes.

Lignano: Are you playing a Kramer guitar?
Bozkovich: Sure. Heavy as Heavy Metal can be (in the 80s, at least!).
Lignano: How many guitars do you have?
Bozkovich: Including the basses an the mandoline - five.

Lignano: Was your song "Liberia" influenced by Michael Jacksons "Liberian Girl"?
Bozkovich: More by a liberian girl I used to know.
Lignano: Can you send me an image of that liberian girl over the teleprinter?
Bozkovich: No, but I can send you an image of "Sons of southern parkness"

Lignano: There is this awesome part in "06 - Dept. of Psychonautics/New World Order" where you sing "I think you are brainwashed" forever, do you have any idea what the M. might have wanted to tell the world with that?
Bozkovich: Actually it's "Brainwashed but never dried" - the state of many humans before the Dept. of Psychonautics started its work.
Lignano: Oh, I must have misheard.

Lignano: Were you ever not allowed to enter former yugoslavia?
Bozkovich: I was not allowed to enter former yugoslavia once. That must have been in 1993. Had to go back to Budapest to get a Visa. They didn't like Austrians and Germans too much at that time - all of them were sent back. The Japanese who were with us got their visa on the spot.
Lignano: Did you play there?
Bozkovich: No, I have never been in the Anti-Nowhere League.
Lignano: But you did play in/with Malignom, Mandragora, Die Leber Vs. Screaming Sisters, When Yuppies Go To Hell, Spiess und Schwarz and Gebrüder Göd ft. Stefan Weber.
Bozkovich: Yes.

Lignano: When did Falco leave Brachialilluminator?
Bozkovich: This must have been when he decided to work with Wickerl Adam [sorry, no english link; lig].

Lignano: Are you tattooed?
Bozkovich: I don't have tattoos.

Lignano: Are there people with Brachialilluminator-tattoos?
Bozkovich: I haven't seen any so far. But I like the idea. I once found a "Brachialilluminator"-song on a "Soukuss-International" site. So anything can happen.
Lignano: Do you still have the link for that site?
Bozkovich: Can't find it now. It was a Russian site. Might has gone offline.

Lignano: Tell me more about your poem indonesian teddy bear.
Bozkovich: It developped when I was in Indonesia (surprise!). Actually it was three times longer but I had to delete the most obvious parts.
Lignano: So most of your lyrics are written while being abroad?
Bozkovich: I often get inspired while being abroad. For the rest of the lyrics, nowadays, they are forced out. I mean, I find a topic and then I force myself to write down my thoughts on that topic within ten or twenty minutes. I wrote many more lyrics in my punk-phase. Most of them were useless, anyway. My last lyrical inspiration in Austria turned out to become "Hackln is fian Oasch" ["Working sucks balls"; transl. lig].
Lignano: That was on your first release 2001?
Bozkovich: First CD release - yes.

Lignano: Would you like to tour Japan?
Bozkovich: Screaming teenagers, expensive food, drunken office people and maybe meeting Melt Banana or Ex-Girl or The Ruins? No question...
Lignano : This was actually just a test question wether you are a real musicians, because all real musicians want to tour Japan.

Lignano: What are the travel plans for the next album?
Bozkovich: I suppose the next album will deal with health. Bodily or spiritual health. Details have still to be confirmed with the Mightiest. If it were meant to deal with spiritual health, it would of course become a collaboration with the Dept. of Psychonautics.
Lignano: You are singing about six departments on "new world order", is this all there is, departmentwise?
Bozkovich: These are the departments that should most necessarily be known by the citizens. Of course there are other ones, as well. You can't run a whole "New World Order" with only six departments. But the Mightiest tries to keep the goverment slim. Not like in (former, but it is still known as) Malawi, where they have 54 ministers.

Lignano: Are you ready for the famous wordrap? Rules: I give you one (or maximum two, or maxmaximum three) words and you must answer with one, maximum two or maxmaximum three words.
Bozkovich: Shoot!

Lignano: Peter Gabriel
Bozkovich: Geneses. Games.
Lignano: Star Trek
Bozkovich: Ears. Black woman.
Lignano: Jochen Rindt
Bozkovich: Austrian!!!! Death.
Lignano: Columbo
Bozkovich: Mad magazine.
Lignano: Klaus Eberhartinger
Bozkovich: Dance star.
Lignano: Joschka Fischer
Bozkovich: Brutal youth.
Lignano: Slayer
Bozkovich: offended easily
Lignano: Loddar Matthäus
Bozkovich: -
Lignano: Los Lobos
Bozkovich: Espanol. Don't know.
Lignano: Ephraim Kishon
Bozkovich: Funny. Racist.
Lignano: Beer
Bozkovich: Great. Motörhead.
Lignano: Elvis Presley
Bozkovich: Dead.
Lignano: Fritz the cat
Bozkovich: Pornographic. Hells angels.
Lignano: Perfect!
Bozkovich: More than good.

Lignano: I assume you have seen Gwar live - what was your prefered distance to the stage when seeing/hearing them "perform"?
Bozkovich: About 15 meter [~15 feet] - far enough for not getting overrun by the newcomers when the blood is spilled the first time but still near enough to find it funny.
Lignano: Do you still have cloth with gwar-bloodstains?
Bozkovich: That's a great joke of theirs. They sell expensive white t-shirts for people to get them stained during the concert. But the colour is rinsable...
Lignano: Did you buy one?
Bozkovich: Haha, nope.
Lignano: In what relationship stands the M. and Gwar?
Bozkovich: I have seen a documentary on "shock rock" once. There the Mentors told the audience that they are real and Gwar is just show. So I suppose, in neither.

Lignano: Is he pointing to the Mightiest? >klicks<
Bozkovich: The Mightiest is really very political. Before this interview I never thought of him being to do with religion. No, I don't think he cares about that stuff.
Lignano: So the M. is rather materialistic and aural?
Bozkovich: Materialistic sure. My job is to get the aural message done, I suppose he has other employees for dealing with different sensual areas. But I don't ask too many questions.

Lignano: Who is your favourite porn star?
Bozkovich: If Geri Halliwell were one, I'd say - her.

Lignano: What is your favourite figure in chess?
Bozkovich: Magma.
Lignano: Huh?
Bozkovich : I am listening to them right now. "De Futura" from the album "Üdü Wüdü". Predecessors of the Mightiest - or Brachialilluminator, I'm not quite sure if they were the masters or the means.
Lignano : Oh, those. Sorry for my lack of musical knowledge!

Lignano: What is your favourite song by Morrissey/The Smiths?
Bozkovich: Sorry for my lack of musical knowledge!

Lignano: Who is your favourite author?
Bozkovich: R.A.Wilson, Crowley, Kapuscinski, Ken saro Wiwa.
Lignano: The Una-bomber?
Bozkovich: I think thats Kazcynski.
Lignano: Oh. True that.

Lignano: What's your favourite Manifesto?
Bozkovich: Probably the Roxy Music album. Although I don't fancy them too much...

Lignano: Do you own the well-famous vinyl-sampler "Wiener Blutrausch" from 1979?
Bozkovich: Unfortunately I only have it on MC. I had never been willing to pay 500-1000 (Austrian) Schillings or more for one record.
Lignano: I think even more...
Bozkovich: At that price I'd rather buy a car than an album.
Lignano: Or hookers!
Bozkovich: Even better.

Lignano: What's the most offensive thing in this picture: >klicks<?
Bozkovich: Offensive? I don't know. Where do you come up with that stuff?
Lignano: Post-office-boredom. Most of the stuff floats in the interweb. Some in my head. This might be easier: >klicks< - Do you think he listens to Avantgarde Metal?
Bozkovich: I think he prefers Jello Biafra.

Lignano : Are you aware that your domain name will expire at the end of august 2007? For how much would you sell it?
Bozkovich : I get frequently reminded by the "domain registry of america" or what ever the name of these suckers is. A warning to everybody.

Lignano: Do you think that "Diplomatie ist die Fortsetzung von Krieg mit anderen Mitteln" or that "Krieg ist die Fortsetzung von Diplomatie mit anderen Mitteln"?
Bozkovich: "Fußball ist die Fortsetzung von Politik mit anderen Mitteln". Or the other way round, can't remember. Actually there once has been a war cause of a football match (see Kapuscinski, Richard. The Soccer War. Translated William Brand. London: Granta Books, 1990).

Lignano: Why should our dear readers rush to and not to after reading this interview to buy cds?
Bozkovich: Because there's gonna be a relaunch of the Brachialilluminator site as soon as the further projects get into shape.
Lignano: I think Niddl and Brachialilluminator could produce great stuff as Niddlilluminator.
Bozkovich: Brachianiddluminator.
Lignano: Would you like to write a review on a niddl cd for
Bozkovich: Definitely. But I would need the CD first.
Lignano: Pure Awesomeness! I will organise a niddl album for you.
Bozkovich: It will be my pleasure.


The whole telegraminterview (/me imitates Bugs Bunny voice: "Remember kids, you've seen it first here on!") was a whole new working experience for me; and please don't tell it to those boys.

Jonny Lignano

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